Caught in the act

Infidelity seem to be a commonplace occurrence in this day and time. If things are not going well in your marriage or relationship, it appears that it is easier to move on to someone else while still in the current relationship.  Whether you are a man or woman, how you deal with this situation will vary.  Most people cannot believe that it is actually happening, some want to ignore the fact.  You began to think about what you have done wrong, what is wrong with you the reason he/she no longer wants you.  Infidelity is based on physical intimacy and emotions.  Relationships may begin because they feel comfortable with each other to talk about their dreams and aspirations, which are the basis of every relationship.  Individuals who are emotionally involved do not believe that they are cheating on their spouse. 

          When men and women become unfaithful to their spouses, and partners, their actions become obvious.  One of the first signs that tell you that your spouse is unfaithful is their day-to day behavior changes.  They become secretive and distant; they may talk about a particular (female or male) person on a regular basis.  They start to look at things at home differently, start staying at work later and later, they become evasive and defensive when asked what is wrong.  Other signs might be the increase use of the computer while you are sleeping, telephone calls that result in hang-ups when you answer, unusual visits with your friends.

          Most men or women do not cheat because they have fallen in love with someone; there are financial problems, communications problems, and lack of sex in the relationship.  There are some men and women who have a problem; they have to have that extramarital relationship on the side all the time.

          Women and men began to question themselves because of their partner’s infidelity.  They began to wonder what is wrong with them to cause their partner to stray, they began to look at themselves in a different way, they want to make changes to themselves, and some suffer from depression because they cannot deal with the fact that their partner is having an affair.  All kinds of feelings and emotions began to surface, and you do not know which way to turn, you do not know who to trust with this information, or if you should ask your partner.  Where do you go from here?

Work Cited

Castleman, M. (2009, October 15). Marital Infidelity, How Common Is It. Journal of Psychology Today.  Retrieved February 18, 2011 from   HYPERLINK "http://www.psychologytoday.com/.../marital-infidelity-how-common-is-it" www.psychologytoday.com/.../marital-infidelity-how-common-is-it .

         

Over time, infidelity began to take on a new meaning, and rather than meaning one who has lost his or her faith, it has become symbolic of one who is not faithful to their spouse or lost faith in their marriage.  Today, it is typically termed for someone who has been disloyal to their spouse, usually sexually, and is more interchangeably with terms like adultery, affair, being unfaithful or simply cheating on your spouse.  In some countries, particularly those within Asia and the Middle East, infidelity is considered a very serious crime.  Several centuries ago, this crime was punishable by death, either by public stoning hanging or worse. 

        Today, it is still considered illegal in many areas of the world, and even in some areas of the United States.  The word infidelity is synonymous with the word adultery, which is forbidden according to the seventh rule in the Ten Commandments as set forth by God.  Since the time of the Holy Bible, infidelity has been mentioned; both men and women have been unfaithful or committed adultery.  Infidelity has been written about in literature for many centuries, from the classic plays of William Shakespeare, to the modern works of Arthur Miller. 

        For example, in The Winter’s Tale (II, ii, 9-11), Hermione has been thrown in prison by King Leontes.  King Leontes is convinced that his wife was unfaithful to him with his childhood friend Polixenes.  When Polixenes hears of a plot to have him poisoned, he flees to his homeland.  At the same time, Hermione finds out that she is pregnant with Leontes’ child.  Leontes believes that Hermione’s pregnancy and the departure of Polixenes is proof of his wife’s infidelity.  Leontes has Hermione’s imprisoned and charged with treason.

        Everything is not to be believed because someone else tells you it is so.  What may have appeared to be infidelity in Shakespeare’s plays do not always be that fact.  It appears that there are times when things are staged.  In these days, the town’s people would have been highly upset if situations like this occurred.  Infidelity was highly frowned upon and there was the possibility that you could have been stoned to death, or placed in prison.

        Coming to the 20^th century, Miller shows us the infidelity of Willy.  Willy cheats on his wife Linda with “the woman”.  Willy likes this woman because she makes him feel good about himself.  She compliments him and makes him feel important.  The woman tells Willy that he is special and he needs to hear this.  Willy gives the woman stockings; Linda always mends her old stockings so Willy does not have to buy her new ones.  He doesn’t  respect Linda because he cheats on her, Linda try to save money by mending her torn stockings and Willy gives the woman new stockings. 

Willy needs to hear how special he is.   Willy has respect issues with himself.  I do not believe that people in the 20^th  century would have been happy with the fact that infidelity was happening.  There have always been more people that frown upon this type of behavior.

         In our 21^st century contexts, I think that the act of infidelity has become commonplace and in some circles; infidelity has become acceptable behavior. 

           Recent studies reveal that 45-55 percent of married women and 50-60 percent of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship.  About 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an affair at some point in their marriage.  About 86 percent of men and 81 percent of women admit that they routinely flirt with the opposite sex.  75 percent of men and 65 percent of women admit to having sex with people they work with.  Statistically speaking, about 17 percent of divorces in the United States are caused by infidelity (Atwood, 2002).

          I believe that we must learn to control our minds and our urges and not allow a few moments of pleasure to ruin the lives of others and ours. Infidelity destroys trust and will eventually lead to the demise of the marriage and the family.  If there is not trust, there is no relationship.  Trust is something that has to be earned, if it is lost; it is very hard to regain. 

Work Cited

  Atwood, J. (2002).  Innovations in clinical and educational interventions.  Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy, 1 (3), 37-56.  Retrieved February 18, 2011 from http://www.informaworld.com/.